We are the people our parents warned us about.

We are the people our parents warned us about. – Jimmy Buffett 

Have you ever had a week that made you question every choice you’ve ever made? It has been one hell of a week here, and I think i may be on the verge of going nuts. This is the kind of stuff they don’t prepare you for in college. Sure, I had to take Religion 300, but not introduction to changing your air filter?? I’ve spent the week listening to my sister complain about finals, and watching numerous posts about finals week.

I never thought I’d say this, but I’d do anything to go back to that! I know it’s crazy, but no one tells you just how hard a 9-5 really will be after college. You don’t get to nap between classes anymore, or just skip because you don’t feel like going. The real world doesn’t work that way, and …

Oh my God. I just quoted my Dad. Without even realizing it.

The truth is that growing up is tough stuff. Being an adult is even tougher. I know I’m probably supposed to have a gem of wisdom about this, but I really don’t today. I apologize if this isn’t the most uplifting post, but I try to keep it real.

Some days are just shitty. Some weeks are just shitty.

It’s been one of those weeks. So just know that if you’re in the same boat I am today, I’ll be raising my bottle (i mean glass) of wine to you.

Cheers to Adulthood!

-C

The Tricky Art of Being Yourself

I think as children we always have ideas of what we will be like as adults, what our lives will be like. For some reason, I imagined myself being a lot taller.

But I never imagined myself being gay. This doesn’t necessarily mean that I wasn’t gay then, in retrospect, I see now that there were clues all along. I always grew up being told that I should always strive to be myself, and no one else.

As I have discovered as an adult, this is much easier said than done.

Once I realized I was gay at the ripe old age of 17 (making high school really fun) I was faced with a moral dilemma. Because unfortunately in the small town I grew up in, being yourself did not mean being your gay self. What if being myself didn’t fit in with other’s expectations? I struggled through college with this idea as well. Basically i had two selves: my straight self and my real self. Suddenly being yourself felt like keeping the world’s biggest secret. It means constantly having to fabricate excuses and lies and pronouns to cover the truth. And I’m not that clever to begin with, so this was really difficult for me. But humor aside, secrets are heavy. After years of carrying them, i felt my back straining under the weight. So I made a decision when I began coming out to my family and friends, that I would only be my real self.

I did this about as gracefully as I would dance in the Russian Ballet.

It was awkward, and clumsy and horrible. How do you say, “i know i’ve been telling you i’m straight all these years, but actually i am utterly and completely gay. any questions?”

There were lots of questions, and lots of feelings. But with all of these awkward and uncomfortable moments, i realized that one by one I was shedding the secrets that had made their home on my back for so long. As each one disappeared, I walked a little taller, and I felt a little lighter.

When I started to be myself, I thought the world would end and the town’s folk would chase me out of the city with pitchforks. But really, it was the opposite. I moved to a liberal city and was met with a lot of support and acceptance. Life went on, and I went on. Looking back now, I can’t imagine going back to that double life, not when my life is so great now.

I’m not a therapist, nor am I qualified to give any advice. Unless you need help choosing a clearance wine at Target on 8:00 on a Tuesday night, cause I’ve got your back!

However, I do have experience, and experience has taught me this. No matter how scary or how unorthodox it is, being your authentic self is the absolute best thing in the world. Because that self is the most beautiful version of you. I hope if you’re reading this and going through anything similar, know that you’re not alone. There’s a community who all have your back. If anyone reading this ever needs someone to listen, my proverbial door is always open. I would say physically, but it’s cold y’all and heat ain’t cheap! I’ve put the link to my bio page here, and this includes my contact info. Trust me, I’ll do a happy dance in my fuzzy slippers if I hear from you!

I hope that wasn’t too preachy. Or stupid. It was probably both.

-Celeste

It’s all fun and games until somebody graduates.

Hello fellow humans. 

However you came upon this gem of a blog (note the sarcasm) I’m certainly glad you are here. No, don’t close the page!! Just listen and maybe you’ll have a little bit of interest in what I have to say.

As you can probably tell, I’m using the word maybe pretty leniently…

Anyways, this is a blog about what happens after the four (or five or seven?) supposedly  greatest years of your life. I can tell you about this because well this is where I am. A graduate fresh out of college! With a piece of paper that says I am well educated and prepared for the world, but in reality…maybe not so much. Ever since my freshman year of college, I dreamed about walking across that stage and getting my diploma. And I did! (woo!). But the problem is, I didn’t quite plan for what would happen after that moment. Am i the only one that does that? You get so unbelievably excited for a major event that its all you can imagine, and then BAM! It happens and you just sit there in shock. The irony in all of this is that senior year i bitched, moaned, and checked off the days like any other senior ’till graduation. I can remember boldly telling my parents, “I am SO done with school”. 

Well, how the tides have changed. 

(begging on knees to college, take me back please!)

The problem with college is that you think it will last forever. And sometimes it feels like it does. But in reality, it flies by. And either I missed this memo, but they also don’t give you a warning senior year that says, “HEY GET IT TOGETHER! WE’RE ABOUT TO CATAPULT YOU INTO THE REAL WORLD. XOXOXOX COLLEGE”. Damn you, crappy college email, I never got that one. 

So I’m sure you are now just itching to know what I am doing with myself now that I have a big girl degree.

Well ladies and gents, I’m a………..nanny. 

I know, I know. But hey, it’s a job and gives me the summer to figure out what the hell to do with myself. So on top of my general panic attacks about getting myself together, there will also be a plethora of nanny stories. But this is my journey, and you’re welcome to follow along if you’d like. If you happen to be a terrified post grad like myself, then by all means follow along. If you have your life together…..then keep that to yourself please. 

Anyways..I hope you’ll follow my neurotic life trek and hopefully this process of documenting my internal turmoils will help me figure out what exactly i’m supposed to be.

That’s all i’ve got and i don’t know how to end this. bye?

No…I’ll work on that.

-Celeste

btw, if you’d like to see what I was up to before I got thrown into adult land, you can check out my other blog : theworldabroad.blogspot.com