The Ins and Outs of Coming Out

I know I said I was going to write, and then I didn’t. Well surprise, surprise! I am sorry for that, transitioning to a new job really threw off my writing schedule. It’s hard to write a really inspiring post (jokes) when you work all day, and then come home tired. Doesn’t really help the bit of writer’s block I have been going through.

I did think this was an important topic to write on, and that is what made me decide to put my digital pen to paper and get going today. Coming out is something I feel like I talk about frequently, and I figured maybe writing some of those things out might help others struggling to do so!

A couple things before I jump on my soapbox here. First, I am not licensed to give advice in any way. I am not a therapist, nor any kind of counselor. I am simply someone who came out, and learned a ton in the process. Take this advice as you like, and as always I’ll try and keep it semi humorous!

Another point is that this is not my coming out story; it’s more about some things I have learned in the process. If I get a lot of feedback to post my personal story I will, but it’s definitely something personal that I don’t want to just put out there.

I think the most important thing I learned when I came out was that I felt this pressure to come out to everyone. It was kind of like once I had come out in my own head, there was this sense of obligation. Over the years, I have realized this was definitely something in my own head. You are not obligated in any way to come out to anyone that you don’t want to. I think many people feel like they’re required to do this mass coming out, and you’re not! The way I think about it is that a straight person wouldn’t introduce themselves and say “Hi, I’m so and so, and I’m straight”. That’s pretty dumb right? I agree. Coming out is an extremely personal decision and you should never feel pressured to tell anyone you’re not comfortable telling!

Another thing that I’ve always been told is that coming out means sitting down with someone and nervously telling them you’re gay. This is another huge misconception in my book! Honestly, I don’t really “come” out to people. but when they ask who I’m dating will simply tell them my girlfriend’s (wait, now fiance? more to come on that) name. Coming out to anyone can be as big or as small as you’d like it to be. I consider my sexuality to be really a small part of me, so I don’t feel the need to have to formally come out. After all, I’m a Libra, I’m short, I have green eyes, I love wine, and I’m gay. It’s just not that big of a deal to me.

When I first came out, I remember people asking so many questions, and I remembered feeling really put off by this. It took a while, but I realized that they were only asking these questions because they wanted to understand better. Often, it really can feel like you’re being attacked, but I think that ultimately those asking the questions simply want to understand. The people that are there to support you will have questions. I think this was my biggest misconception with coming out, that I would just come out and everyone would just shrug it off like it’s nothing. And for some people this may be the case. But it wasn’t for me, and I have answered a ton of questions since my own coming out.

It’s also completely okay to not know the answers to these questions. My mother asked me when I came out who walked down the aisle at a lesbian wedding….honestly, I still don’t know the answer to that one. It’s okay to say “I don’t know!”. In the end, it’s entirely up to you as to what you’re comfortable and uncomfortable talking about.

Well, that’s all I have for now, but I’m sure I will always have more thoughts on this topic. I’d love to know what your experiences with coming out have been! As always feel free to drop a line so that I don’t feel like I’m completely talking to myself here in Internet land 🙂

I probably am.

Coming up:

Big news aka I’m engaged! All the details to come campers!

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Resolutions, Big News, and as always, Dogs

I am the worst, I am aware guys. Here I come with my big announcement about promising to post way more, and then I fall off the map for forever. If you’re imagining my short and stout self, please know that i’m begging for forgiveness. I’m so sorry! I hope other bloggers have run into this, but i fell into a bit of a dry writer’s spell. Ignore the obvious sexual connotation there please. Ya dirty birds.

So, let me start from the beginning. I have always been a big believer in not writing if you have nothing to write about. I know people say that you should write everyday, but I really don’t think that fits every writer. Really, every brain is different, and if its like mine it goes about 90 MPH. If you’re like me, major life events puts a huge stop on your creativity. And that’s exactly what happened. I was going through some stuff, and honestly I had nothing to write about. When I’m not emotionally intact, I don’t feel like I write great content. Honestly, it would be really fragmented, horribly spelled, garbage. And no one wants that hot mess on their feed. Consider that my apology, and now I’ll tell you why.

Honestly, the past month or so I just wasn’t very happy. Things at work had gotten really bad, and it was starting to come over into my personal life. I know people say that you should keep work and personal life separate, but its really hard to just be in a good mood after you’ve had an awful day. I felt like I wasn’t enjoying what I was doing anymore, and that the negativity from work was just making me miserable. I stayed in this mental pit for a couple weeks, before coming to the conclusion it was time to look for a new job. As a new graduate, I immediately thought, “what if I can’t find another job?!” So i started looking, and for a while heard nothing back. This only dug the mental pit deeper, and without the encouragement from the lady and family, I would’ve stopped looking altogether. But, as I’ve discovered the universe always has a plan. Out of the blue, I got a call from an incredible company in Charleston that I had looked at before. They had an opening, and wanted to interview me! Sometimes, the universe may take a metaphorical dump on you (not sure how that might be literal-sorry for the plethora of awful metaphors) I went through the interview and low and behold they gave your girl the job! Not only was this an incredible opportunity, but it made me excited to go to work again, and that was huge.

I think that negativity can truly do so much to destroy a person’s life. It was only when i started my new job did I realize that you do ultimately have the power to change bad things in your life. So it’s time for me to impart some wisdom on your angelic souls, because sharing is caring:

If you do not like something in your life, you are allowed to change it. You don’t need to explain or validate why you’re changing it.

So my biggest resolution was to start a new job and adventure which I’ve done. The lady and I have also decided we are going to stop cramming ourselves full of junk and eating better. And honestly, i feel loads better! I am not a fan of dieting but I am a fan of making healthy changes. I’m sure I’ll be talking about that soon.

And no, I didn’t cut out wine. Because I love wine. Next!

To make up for my perpetually grumpy leave of absence I’ve attached some pictures from the holidays. It involves the dog looking very cute, and me looking more or less presentable. Story of my life.

-C

Dennis didn't really understand what fetching is, but I sure do now.

Dennis didn’t really understand what fetching is, but I sure do now.

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First Christmas. He got more gifts than I did. Is this what having children is like??

Go Pats!

Go Pats!

Introducing the Elephant

“When there’s an elephant in the room, introduce him”
-Randy Pausch

I love this quote and I thought it was a great way to introduce my plan for re-vamping this blog. As I said before, I’ve done a lot of growing in the past year. The biggest growth I’ve had is that I have come to terms with who I am, and become okay with it. That’s huge! It’s only taken 24 years, but that’s a start right? Anyways, here is me introducing my elephant in the room.
It happens to be rainbow colored.

It’s a rainbow elephant, because I am gay. I know, a rainbow joke? Really Celeste?! You’re trying to become a serious writer and here you are going for the obvious joke.

Yes, I went for it. Yes, I’m always going to make that joke. Yes, I am talking to myself. Moving on:

I’ve known this about myself for a long time, and for a long time i tried to suppress it. But as I also said, I’ve fallen in love with someone who’s given me the courage to be authentic and be myself. This hasn’t been an easy process, and at some point there will probably be a post on the journey in itself. But, for now, know that my goal for this blog is to talk about my journey in hopes of reaching others. It’s scary for me to reach out, but it’s even scarier to think about not reaching at all. I hope you reach back and share your thoughts with me! Part of my learning experience has been listening to others, and now I’d like to contribute mine. I’ll be talking about big influences in my life, and answering any questions that come my way.

This is also the point where you may realize that this is a blog that you don’t want to follow. That’s okay. You may also realize you don’t want to follow me. That’s okay too. Just as long as we’re talking about on social media, cause stalking ain’t cool y’all. So if that’s the case, then i wish you a happy journey to other blogs. But if you’re interested in my journey, I invite you to read my ramblings, and I’ll read yours. I can already feel a sigh of relief as I write this. Growing up in the deep south, i was always told being gay made me different, but i soon realized it made me brave. Now, I realize that being gay didn’t make me brave; i made myself brave. 

Sometimes, I try to be deep, and I fail miserably. But I promise all the time to be real.

I’ll be posting more soon, and can’t wait to hear from y’all!

-Celeste