Paint Expectations (like Great Expectations…get it?)

This is a story about deciding what you want, and getting it.

Just kidding, this is a story about getting piss ass drunk, getting a wild idea, following through, and having a great outcome.

I know kids, it’s the feel good story of 20 friggin’ 14!

Most people associate “wild” ideas with getting tattoos, or getting married, or getting a car. What was my wild idea?

Re-painting the cabinets! I know, I hope you were all sitting down when you read that. It all started one Friday night, when the lady and I had a main entree of wine and a side of actual food, and of course were watching HGTV.

“You know what?!” I stuttered, reaching for the now sippy cup my wine was in (I had previously lost my privileges for drinking wine out of glass objects). I couldn’t tell if the lady couldn’t stop staring at my red stained teeth, or was just waiting for the synapses in my brain to piece together my next sentence.

“We should re- do the cabinets!” I declared ….and cue gesturing grandly, knocking over everything on the coffee table. I also lost the right to drink on the couch that night.

It wasn’t a horrible idea, in fact it was something I had always meant to do, but in the war of renovation, you have to pick your battles.

Previously, the cabinets were standard white, and stained with cooking disasters from the previous residents. I’ll put that hot mess here:

IMG_2978

 

IMG_2977

IMG_2979

Here are my steps for successfully re-painting your cabinets:

1. Decide what color you actually want to paint them. I suggest doing this sober, as our drunken color ideas were probably not too solid. In the end, we decided to do an off white on the top, and a gray on bottom. I know, crazy right?

2. Go to Lowes, and try to resist the urge to not gauge your eyes out with a paint stirrer when you see that there are indeed one MILLION shades of white, and two BILLION shades of gray. Insert Fifty Shades of Gray joke here. Actually, more like Fifty Shades of WHAT THE FRIGGITY FRACK IS THE DIFFERENCE?!

3. After successfully leaving your eyeballs in tact, laugh at all the ridiculous names of the paint samples. Seriously, the white we chose was called Quail Egg.

I know, just let that sink in. I would love to know what poor Lowes Employee had to crawl their ass up a tree to see what color a Quail Egg is?!

4. Sit for a week pondering about how in the actual hell you are going to paint the entire kitchen. Doubt yourself. Doubt your existence.

5. Finally, come to your senses and wait till your one day Father-in-Law visits, and just so happens to be a cabinet maker. Make sad eyes. Conveniently have to go to work so that girlfriend and father can bond, and paint cabinets.

6. Come home and obsess over beautiful cabinets.

I know, I know, I totally opted out of that one. But would they really have been that beautiful if I had helped? Probably not. The reason this has taken so long to post (other than the fact I’ve been too busy drooling over cabinets) is that we also go a kitchen full of brand new appliances!! And a big reveal wouldn’t be the same without them. So here it is!!

 

My two favorite things: coffee and non leaking fridges.

My two favorite things: coffee and non leaking fridges.

IMG_2974

 

IMG_2976

After having to listen to a dishwasher that sounds like cannon fire every time it runs, this is a dream come true. If anyone needs me, I’ll be drinking wine and staring at the kitchen.

I’m still drinking it out of a sippy cup.

-C

If anyone is interested in learning more about kitchen painting, drinking a ton of wine, or both, please feel free to comment!

Advertisements

Learning to be Lost; Learning to be Okay with It.

For you to understand the my complex about growing up and turning out alright, you have to understand where I came from.

I grew up with two doctors for parents. My childhood was a mixture of on call schedules, looking at x-rays at the dinner table, and learning every medical term known to man. To put this in a clear perspective, my “birds and the bees” talk was comprised of a powerpoint, complete with diagrams and quiz after. I lived with two incredibly brilliant people, and I realized this from an early age. I listened to their stories of struggling to pay for medical school, of working three jobs, and of joining the Navy. Even at a young age, I understood that sacrifice was a necessary part of fulfilling your dreams. For some kids, two doctors as parents would have pretty much sealed the deal for a third MD in the house. But not me. If anything, it made me go the other way. I had no clue what I wanted to be, but I sure knew it wasn’t being a Doctor.

In a way, I think they were even prouder of me for that. But of course, this begged the question:

What am I going to be?

To be quite honest, I still don’t know. I’m 24.

To be fair, I grew up with two people who knew they would be doctors from age 12. I know, freaks. Meanwhile, I can barely pick something to watch on Netflix. I grew up with this idea that one day, you’d wake up, and you’d just know.

Well, I didn’t. And that scared me. A lot.

I went to college, and tried to major in International Business. I still count on my toes, so trying to tackle economics was not really my chosen path. But I realized that I loved the foreign language aspect of the major, especially Spanish. The fact that the human brain is intelligent to learn and understand another language is still incredible to me. So I majored in Spanish, and had absolutely no clue what I was going to do with it. But I learned how to speak Spanish, and I traveled through Europe.I never realized this, but my parents never did that. I realized that I was headed down a path very different from my parents, and this scared the hell out of me.

I graduated college, and babysat for a summer while figuring out what the hell I was supposed to do. And then, I applied for a random job in technical support that got me an interview and later a job offer. All the time I kept thinking, “Is this what I’m supposed to be doing?”

A year later, I’m still at said job and now pursuing a Masters in Information Technology. Coming from someone who could barely use Facebook, I would say I have come a long way since college. But I still get scared, in fcat I get scared all the time. I still wonder if I’m on the right path, and if what I’m doing is worthwhile. The voices in my head often remind that at this point my parents were doctors.

Well I’ve got news for you, neuroses, and anyone reading this.

You are not your parents.

You are you. A gloriously arranged compilation of cells, skin and organs. Your thoughts and feelings are yours alone.

You are dramatic, and brave, and scared all at the same time.

The only path that is right for you is the one you decide to take.

You just have to learn to put one foot in front of the other.

It’s incredible that as children we are taught to walk one step at a time, and we apply this mantra as we grow older. Our steps may be bigger, and longer and farther, but they are still steps.

It’s okay to not know if you’re going down the right path, but it’s not okay to stop walking.

-C

The Turkey-pacolypse: Thanksgiving 2014

Hello campers,

I’m sorry for the amount of time it took for me to write this all, but I just woke up from my wine and leftover food coma that I’ve been in for the week. I hope everyone’s Thanksgivings were great! In case you were interested, this is how my first Thanksgiving away from home went:

Actually, everything turned out awesome! Surprising, because usually everything I touch breaks or bursts into flames, but thankfully I have found a lady who is pretty much Martha Freaking Stewart. We started prepping everything the Monday before Thanksgiving, and we found this to be incredibly helpful. As I found, you will have way more things to do on the actual Thanksgiving day, so anything you can prep before hand helps. Here’s what we prepped in advance:

Place settings- I was informed that Chinet and China were not the same thing.

Place settings- I was informed that Chinet and China were not the same thing.

Finally got to use my Fancy place mats!

Finally got to use my Fancy place mats!

 

We also decided to put the food out onto the bar of our kitchen, because our kitchen is tiny, and there was no way we are all going to get in there to stuff our faces. We used a chalkboard runner, which is AWESOME because you get to draw and write all over it! It made for a really easy and creative way to display all the food. Doesn’t hurt that it was also 10 bucks!

IMG_2951-0

Because wine is important, and should always be clearly marked

Because wine is important, and should always be clearly marked

My AMAZING sangria!

My AMAZING sangria!

IMG_2944

 

The chalkboard paper ended up working great, and was ridiculously easy to do. For anyone who isn’t very crafty (me) it is an easy way to spice up the table!

Yeah, yeah, yeah….but how did the turkey look?

Well, after about five hours of worrying and googling everything turkey related, I would say it turned out pretty awesome. The reason is probably because I had nothing to do with the turkey, except making it dance on the counter top. The lady was not impressed. But here it is!

IMG_2940

I’m not a turkey expert, but that’s a good looking turkey!

 

To say the least, after a combination of turkey, sangria, and everything else, I was in a catatonic state to say the least. But the day itself was relaxing and full of time to think about what the holiday is really about. It’s about having someone that loves you enough not to kill you for dressing up the turkey. It’s for the Dad who doesn’t mind 40,000 phone calls about what on earth giblets are, or if there are illegal substances smuggled into a sketchy bag inside of the turkey (no worries, they weren’t!). I think that it’s so easy to get wrapped up in work and school, that it’s important to have a day to relax and enjoy each other’s company. I’m so happy I got to spend Thanksgiving with the person I love, and that we’ll have many more to celebrate.

 

What I'm really thankful for (PS, the lady is on the right, if you can't tell!)

What I’m really thankful for (PS, the lady is on the right, if you can’t tell!)

IMG_2942

Also thankful for this.

I hope you enjoyed this post, and had a great holiday! On the next episode of The Hot Mess Express…..

THE KITCHEN REDEMPTION, or the kitchen cabinets get re painted.

Stay tuned. It could get ugly.

-C

 

Happiness, and Weird Ways of Finding It

I think happiness is a tricky emotion, and I have struggled with it for a long time. The holidays always are a time for me to review the year and everything that has happened. It also serves as an emotional checkpoint for me. I think this checkpoint for me is the most important to date because I finally feel comfortable with myself, and most importantly, happy!

I think happiness is something that evolves as we  evolve. I think that the things that made me happy years ago don’t really do so now. I can remember when getting good grades made me happy (those were the days!) and now, getting a paycheck makes me very happy. But most importantly, I feel comfortable with who I am, and that makes me happiest of all.

For a long time, I struggled with what it meant to be happy. I struggled with being a person that made others happy, but not myself. False

Me, hugging Dennis the Dog. Because why not? Also, Dennis was not having it.

Me, hugging Dennis the Dog. Because why not? Also, Dennis was not having it.

happiness is a very real thing, but unfortunately its results just aren’t that satisfying. For a long time, I thought that maybe I just wasn’t meant to be happy. I struggled with coming out and depression, and in my mind, I thought that happiness was just something other people found. It took a lot of bumps in the road for me to realize, that ultimately, I was my own road bump. I used my identity and my depression as crutches to avoid trying to  be happy. I think I was scared of being happy, and to this day I really don’t understand why. But I took the first step and I reached out, and asked for help. I began to doing research, and finding out gay role models and following their stories. YouTube was a huge outlet for me, and I still follow many LGBT accounts like Kaelyn and Lucy and What Wegan Did Next. I’ve never met these people but they showed me that it’s possible to be yourself and be happy. I’ve linked their YouTube pages here as well, so if you’re interested I highly recommend their videos! I’ve often toyed with the idea of one day starting my own YouTube channel, so i’d certainly be interested if anyone has any thoughts on that.

Wow, I just completely strayed from the point I was trying to make. Back to Business!

I think that for me, I had to be brave to be happy. I had to have a lot of uncomfortable talks, lose some friends, and eventually gain a lot more. I had to learn to be proud of who I am, and my mother has always said that once you’ve gotten yourself together, the right person will come a long. And she did! If you had told me that 5 years ago, I would’ve said HELL NAH! If you told me I would be writing about this five years ago, I would’ve said HELL NAH! But I did, and I think if it’s something you’re struggling with, you can too. Sometimes, you have to bet on yourself, and take a risk.

As always, I appreciate the feedback and everyone who visits the blog! Thank you!

And also,  HAPPY FRIDAY!

-C

It’s that time again….

You know what I’m talking about:

The holidays, and everything that come with them.    

With this being the week before Thanksgiving, I can’t help but think that the holiday season is upon us. For one, I have a question. How did Thanksgiving go from the Pilgrims and Indians enjoying a meal together to me stuffing myself to the brim with turkey and becoming catatonic on my couch?

I don’t know, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. This Thanksgiving is going to be different, because it will be the first one that I don’t spend at home. That’s right, Celeste is throwing on her big girl pants and having her own Turkey Day. I know, what could go wrong?

The reason I’m staying in Charleston is that my lady and I are having our first Thanksgiving together. Seeing that she’ll be loading up the dogsled to head back to Maine for Christmas, this is the holiday we’ll get to be together. Also, her Dad is coming into town, so he’ll be staying with us and having Thanksgiving as well. The lady is an incredible cook, and well, I basically have to wear a bib when eating, so she’ll be handling the brunt of the cooking. However, I am preparing my own covered dish.

When I say covered, I mean uncovered. When I say dish, I mean bowl. And when I say solid, I mean liquid. Cause I’m making sangria.

Ain’t no Turkey day like a boozy Turkey  day, am I right?

I think the holidays bring up a lot of feelings, and lately I think I’m feeling a sense of nostalgia. Thanksgiving means spending time with the people who mean most to you and eating a drinking a ton…if you’re my family at least. This is the Thanksgiving I have grown up with. This is my first Thanksgiving away, and I feel like I’m finally on my own path. This is the first Thanksgiving I’ll spend with the person I want to be with forever, and we’ll be creating our own traditions. Which will mainly consist of eating and drinking a ton.

Maybe it’s not so different after all….

What kind of plans do you guys have for Thanksgiving? What kind of traditions do you have? Who has an amazing sangria recipe??

Until Later, gobble gobble gobble!

The Tricky Art of Being Yourself

I think as children we always have ideas of what we will be like as adults, what our lives will be like. For some reason, I imagined myself being a lot taller.

But I never imagined myself being gay. This doesn’t necessarily mean that I wasn’t gay then, in retrospect, I see now that there were clues all along. I always grew up being told that I should always strive to be myself, and no one else.

As I have discovered as an adult, this is much easier said than done.

Once I realized I was gay at the ripe old age of 17 (making high school really fun) I was faced with a moral dilemma. Because unfortunately in the small town I grew up in, being yourself did not mean being your gay self. What if being myself didn’t fit in with other’s expectations? I struggled through college with this idea as well. Basically i had two selves: my straight self and my real self. Suddenly being yourself felt like keeping the world’s biggest secret. It means constantly having to fabricate excuses and lies and pronouns to cover the truth. And I’m not that clever to begin with, so this was really difficult for me. But humor aside, secrets are heavy. After years of carrying them, i felt my back straining under the weight. So I made a decision when I began coming out to my family and friends, that I would only be my real self.

I did this about as gracefully as I would dance in the Russian Ballet.

It was awkward, and clumsy and horrible. How do you say, “i know i’ve been telling you i’m straight all these years, but actually i am utterly and completely gay. any questions?”

There were lots of questions, and lots of feelings. But with all of these awkward and uncomfortable moments, i realized that one by one I was shedding the secrets that had made their home on my back for so long. As each one disappeared, I walked a little taller, and I felt a little lighter.

When I started to be myself, I thought the world would end and the town’s folk would chase me out of the city with pitchforks. But really, it was the opposite. I moved to a liberal city and was met with a lot of support and acceptance. Life went on, and I went on. Looking back now, I can’t imagine going back to that double life, not when my life is so great now.

I’m not a therapist, nor am I qualified to give any advice. Unless you need help choosing a clearance wine at Target on 8:00 on a Tuesday night, cause I’ve got your back!

However, I do have experience, and experience has taught me this. No matter how scary or how unorthodox it is, being your authentic self is the absolute best thing in the world. Because that self is the most beautiful version of you. I hope if you’re reading this and going through anything similar, know that you’re not alone. There’s a community who all have your back. If anyone reading this ever needs someone to listen, my proverbial door is always open. I would say physically, but it’s cold y’all and heat ain’t cheap! I’ve put the link to my bio page here, and this includes my contact info. Trust me, I’ll do a happy dance in my fuzzy slippers if I hear from you!

I hope that wasn’t too preachy. Or stupid. It was probably both.

-Celeste

Hallelujah- it’s the weekend

Well, it was the weekend. Sorry for the late post you guys! 🙂

I don’t know about y’all, but weekends are sacred days for me. I work full time, and Monday through Friday, and by Friday I usually feel like I may just lose my mind. Fridays I think are the greatest days because they hold the promise of NOT having to wake up early the next day. Note: if you work on the weekend, I apologize, you brave souls.

What do you guys do when you’re not at work/school? Personally, I’m an errand runner. Usually during the week, I’m way too tired to deal with any of those pressing adult things. What do these things include? Ya know: laundry, cooking, peeling one’s self off the couch after guzzling wine. I’m not the only one who does that right?

Personally, it’s been a crazy ass couple of weeks. I know I just started blogging, so I’m going to try to bring you up to speed on the hot mess express that’s been rolling around here:

Working Hard or hardly working?

Working Hard or hardly working?

1. We got new windows in our condo! We signifies my lady and I- yes, we live together. This wouldn’t normally be a huge deal, but A. we live in a tiny condo and B. this has needed to be done since I bought the condo. As I quickly discovered, you have to choose your battles in the war of condo renovation. The process of replacing the windows meant two days filled with dust and two very upset cats. But it’s done, yay!

2. We got a dog! I know, two cats and we are adding another?? But we can’t help it! We rescued him from the Charleston Animal Society and he’s been the best boy! His name is Dennis, and we think he is a hound. He’s too cute and just follows us around the condo. He had some infections, and is just finishing a heart worm treatment, but is otherwise doing well!

So, in light of these busy past few weeks, I am looking forward to being lazy and not doing anything. What do you guys like to do on the weekends?

This post is also to gain some ideas from you all about what kinds of posts you would like to see. Do you like hearing about LGBT things? Life things?  Strange streams of consciousness like this post?? If i’m rambling, i’d like to be rambling about something that people will want to read.  So I’d appreciate it if you left a comment for me! Not like I’ll be waiting right by my computer or anything….

Yes, yes I will.

Have a lovely weekend you beautiful cherubs you!

-Celeste