Happiness, and Weird Ways of Finding It

I think happiness is a tricky emotion, and I have struggled with it for a long time. The holidays always are a time for me to review the year and everything that has happened. It also serves as an emotional checkpoint for me. I think this checkpoint for me is the most important to date because I finally feel comfortable with myself, and most importantly, happy!

I think happiness is something that evolves as we  evolve. I think that the things that made me happy years ago don’t really do so now. I can remember when getting good grades made me happy (those were the days!) and now, getting a paycheck makes me very happy. But most importantly, I feel comfortable with who I am, and that makes me happiest of all.

For a long time, I struggled with what it meant to be happy. I struggled with being a person that made others happy, but not myself. False

Me, hugging Dennis the Dog. Because why not? Also, Dennis was not having it.

happiness is a very real thing, but unfortunately its results just aren’t that satisfying. For a long time, I thought that maybe I just wasn’t meant to be happy. I struggled with coming out and depression, and in my mind, I thought that happiness was just something other people found. It took a lot of bumps in the road for me to realize, that ultimately, I was my own road bump. I used my identity and my depression as crutches to avoid trying to  be happy. I think I was scared of being happy, and to this day I really don’t understand why. But I took the first step and I reached out, and asked for help. I began to doing research, and finding out gay role models and following their stories. YouTube was a huge outlet for me, and I still follow many LGBT accounts like Kaelyn and Lucy and What Wegan Did Next. I’ve never met these people but they showed me that it’s possible to be yourself and be happy. I’ve linked their YouTube pages here as well, so if you’re interested I highly recommend their videos! I’ve often toyed with the idea of one day starting my own YouTube channel, so i’d certainly be interested if anyone has any thoughts on that.

Wow, I just completely strayed from the point I was trying to make. Back to Business!

I think that for me, I had to be brave to be happy. I had to have a lot of uncomfortable talks, lose some friends, and eventually gain a lot more. I had to learn to be proud of who I am, and my mother has always said that once you’ve gotten yourself together, the right person will come a long. And she did! If you had told me that 5 years ago, I would’ve said HELL NAH! If you told me I would be writing about this five years ago, I would’ve said HELL NAH! But I did, and I think if it’s something you’re struggling with, you can too. Sometimes, you have to bet on yourself, and take a risk.

As always, I appreciate the feedback and everyone who visits the blog! Thank you!

And also,  HAPPY FRIDAY!

-C

A Great Day for South Carolina and Equality

Have you ever had a day that started out horribly? That made you dread just what fresh hell the rest of the day could bring?

That was my morning. You see, my lady and I seem to be running a close business to Noah’s Ark in our home. We have 2 cats, and a dog (which you saw earlier) and about 1,000 sq ft to contain them.

I know, we might be animal hoarders. In case you want a look at the critters, I’ve put them below:

 

Dennis the Dog

Thing 1 and Thing 2

 

The cats are the rulers of the roost, and though Dennis the Dog is rather big, he still cowers at the sight of the two kitties. The kitty that made my morning so miserable is the large black one. This demon’s name is Mishka. You could say Mishka values the finer things in life. For example, refusing to drink water out of a bowl, and only from a running faucet. He also likes to sing opera at odd hours of the morning. Which is exactly what he did this morning, at 5 AM. Though he does a mean rendition of Pucnini, it was not the way I wanted to wake up.

To make matters worse, our garbage disposal also decided to go on the fritz this morning. Why, world, why? I am gloriously domestically challenged, and by that I mean that I thought “check engine” in your car meant to physically check to see if the engine was there.

I’m pretty dumb.

Aside from these two setbacks, I went to work, only imagining what else could go wrong. But, I got a pleasant surprise. A Federal Judge in Columbia, SC has overturned SC’s marriage ban!!! In case you want the details, the link is here. This is huge for gay couples in the state, and obviously for me. You see, I grew up under the impression that the role of government was to reward the people for following the rules. So i followed them. I stayed in school, went to a public university (go cougars!) and got a job after graduation. And I cry every time my paycheck arrives cut in half from taxes. I did all the right things, but I couldn’t marry in my home state. Explain to me how that’s fair?

Human Rights Campaign

I am so overjoyed that South Carolina has finally realized that all kinds of love, are indeed love. When I think about marrying my lady one day, i don’t think about the fact that she’s a woman. I think about how great of a person she is, and all the adventures we will have. I think it’s time our views of marriage shift from a definition of gender, to qualities like fidelity and commitment. If two people are committed and wanting to spend their lives together, isn’t that enough?

To say the least, today’s events have made my day much better. This morning, I couldn’t marry in my home state, and now I can! What a great moment for equality, and South Carolina.

Hallelujah- it’s the weekend

Well, it was the weekend. Sorry for the late post you guys! 🙂

I don’t know about y’all, but weekends are sacred days for me. I work full time, and Monday through Friday, and by Friday I usually feel like I may just lose my mind. Fridays I think are the greatest days because they hold the promise of NOT having to wake up early the next day. Note: if you work on the weekend, I apologize, you brave souls.

What do you guys do when you’re not at work/school? Personally, I’m an errand runner. Usually during the week, I’m way too tired to deal with any of those pressing adult things. What do these things include? Ya know: laundry, cooking, peeling one’s self off the couch after guzzling wine. I’m not the only one who does that right?

Personally, it’s been a crazy ass couple of weeks. I know I just started blogging, so I’m going to try to bring you up to speed on the hot mess express that’s been rolling around here:

Working Hard or hardly working?

1. We got new windows in our condo! We signifies my lady and I- yes, we live together. This wouldn’t normally be a huge deal, but A. we live in a tiny condo and B. this has needed to be done since I bought the condo. As I quickly discovered, you have to choose your battles in the war of condo renovation. The process of replacing the windows meant two days filled with dust and two very upset cats. But it’s done, yay!

2. We got a dog! I know, two cats and we are adding another?? But we can’t help it! We rescued him from the Charleston Animal Society and he’s been the best boy! His name is Dennis, and we think he is a hound. He’s too cute and just follows us around the condo. He had some infections, and is just finishing a heart worm treatment, but is otherwise doing well!

So, in light of these busy past few weeks, I am looking forward to being lazy and not doing anything. What do you guys like to do on the weekends?

This post is also to gain some ideas from you all about what kinds of posts you would like to see. Do you like hearing about LGBT things? Life things?  Strange streams of consciousness like this post?? If i’m rambling, i’d like to be rambling about something that people will want to read.  So I’d appreciate it if you left a comment for me! Not like I’ll be waiting right by my computer or anything….

Yes, yes I will.

Have a lovely weekend you beautiful cherubs you!

-Celeste